I Had Such Plans

As 2014 approaches I'm sure like me, you've been bombarded with lots of New Year's blog posts, but what's one more right?

When I look back on this past year I must admit I get a little overwhelmed and a little sad at how fast it went by.  People always warn you that when you have kids, time will fly like no other and boy, they weren't kidding!  I felt like I blinked and they were putting out New Year's Eve decorations.

I went back and read a post I wrote on this very day last year called One Word 2013.

 

Grow

That was my one word that would encompass my entire 2013.  But these past few weeks as I've been thinking of my new word for 2014, every time I thought about growing a strange feeling has come over me.  This feeling that keeps creeping up on me is the feeling of failure.  You see, me and my word grow, we had big plans for each other.  We were going to have a baby, balance our day to day lives and explode this blog ministry with fresh new ideas and direction.

Me and grow...well we didn't quite do that.

We did have a baby, so my family grew.  I guess that one I can check off.   But all the other stuff sort of fell to the waste side.  I just didn't grow the way I thought I would.  I didn't grow in the way I thought God wanted me to and that's why a sense of failure has been peering over my shoulder.

I had such plans for this blog ministry, but God called me into a position of leadership that I never saw coming, taking my attention off of this and on to something else.

I had such plans to be a phenomenal mom,  friend, and wife who devoted her attention to all three equally but I had to learn to adjust in all these roles and my priorities shifted.

I had such plans to balance it all, keep it all together and do it all.  Well, that definitely didn't happen.

I had such plans to grow...my way.

I am a planner by nature.  I love to make plans and it just makes me feel at ease and comfortable when I know what's coming.

But following Christ should never be comfortable for us.

If I never allow God to fully use me because I get too comfortable in my current place, how can I fulfill His plan for my life?  If I spend my time trying to figure it all out all the time, what am I missing that God has put right in front of me?  If I'm scared of the new things God is doing in my life, how can I expect to change or even grow in my relationship with Him?

I tossed around so many words that I wanted to try to focus on for 2014.  So many words flooded by mind, my heart, saying "pick me! let me be your one word for 2014!"  So many of them came to me that I had trouble focusing on just one.  It was then that I realized what word I needed to pick because it's something I struggle with so much not only in my day to day life, but most importantly my relationship with God.

I need to learn to focus.  I need to accept that in my life right now I'm in a transition and I need to simply focus on what's in front of me and stop planning so much for the future.  I'm not going into 2014 with any expectations other than to {focus} on things that are important to me: family and friends, my ministry, and most importantly my relationship with Christ.

When I chose {grow} last year, I chose it because it's what I wanted to do.  I made plans for it.  This time around, I'm giving my word over to God and making no plans for my word, letting Him lead me.  I don't want to get comfortable this year in my faith.  Like Peter, I want to step out of the boat onto the waters and focus solely on Jesus.

Did 2013 go as you planned?

What surprised you about yourself in 2013?

For those of you that choose one word, have you chosen it yet?  I'd love to hear it!

I pray that you will have a blessed year ahead and that you will discover blessings and beauty from God in every day.

Happy New Year!

*A special thank you to Melanie from only a breath for designing this one word button!