"You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail..."
It’s good to be back with you friends. I have missed you dearly. It’s been about five months since I’ve
written here and so much has happened that I’ve wanted to tell you about. My plan wasn’t to take such a long break from
writing on here, but life has been well, just a little crazy. Maybe crazy isn’t the right word. Maybe turned upside down, flipped on my head,
didn’t see it coming is the right terminology.
Is there a word for all that?
Maybe the best way I can say it is to say that my life these
past few months has become a real life
Oceans song. I had to get out of my boat, my comfy cozy
boat, and go walk on the waters of the unknown to do something I felt God was asking
me to do. Something big. Something
scary. Something that required my
complete trust in Him.
A few months ago I
left my job of eight years to go into full-time ministry.
It was a job I loved with people I loved dearly. I wasn’t unhappy. I wasn’t looking for something better or
grander. I truly loved the work I did (I
was a social worker). But there was this gnawing at my heart that wouldn’t go
away. The gnawing of something that was
bigger than me.
I had felt a call to ministry for some time but the call begin to deepen two years
ago. It was something I would think of but something that I pushed to the
back of my mind. More of a wouldn’t it be great if that happened one
day type thing. For many years I
have wanted to write and speak, but this call was different and I could tell.
Over the past several years I have been afforded great ministry opportunities within my church
and association that have allowed me to deepen that call. I really thought that I
was fulfilling what God meant when He whispered to my heart that dream of
full-time ministry work.
And then this past February everything changed for me. You
may remember I wrote a blog post back then called
If You Want to Move Mountains. That blog post was fresh off of me receiving a life changing
assignment from God. In it, I wrote
this…
“I sat on that rustic
wooden church pew for what seemed like forever. Waiting. I was waiting for God
to point someone out to me that needed prayer. Perhaps someone to sit with and
pray over. But that wasn’t what happened. As I sat on that pew,
looking up at the dimly lit cross hanging from the ceiling, I felt God whisper
to my own heart.
Are you going to
release this to me? You’re not wrong. Yes, I am asking you to step
out in faith and do this. Stop fighting me. Stop doubting.
I walked into the room
where I had carefully crafted each prayer station for the morning. The
stations were designed for women to discover areas in their lives that had
become a barrier to a closer relationship with God. As I sat down, I waited for
The Lord to prompt me with someone who I could help pray for in the
room.
But all I could feel
was a heavy weight on my own heart. I sat there, paralyzed in fear at the
thought of truly surrendering myself to what The Lord was calling me to do. I
could do nothing but repeat, are
you sure Lord? His words kept replaying in my mind.
Are you going to
release this to me? You’re not wrong. Yes, I am asking you to step
out in faith and do this. Stop fighting me. Stop doubting.
My neck got hot and
the tears started to pool in the corners of my eyes. I sat there gripping
my hands around the edge of the pew, practically on the edge of my seat.
I could muster only one word. Yes. Yes Lord, if you’re calling me to this, then
I will obey. If you’re asking me to release my dream to you, then yes, I
will do that. Yes Jesus, I will trust that you’re going to be with me on
this journey.“
That dream that God called to life on that wooden church pew
was for me to go into full-time ministry.
I felt strongly I wasn’t surrendering to a calling to preach
or to work in a church necessarily but I didn’t have a clue as to what kind of
ministry I would even do. So I tucked that yes away in my heart and
waited.
As I wiped my tears away that morning at the prayer retreat and
made my way back into the main room where everything was taking place, I
offered to help our speaker with her bags as she packed up. We made small talk for a few minutes and then
she put her bags down and put her hand on my shoulder.
“Amanda, I feel like
God wants me to tell you something. He
wants me to tell you that the ministry you have in your heart will be
fruitful. He wants me to tell you that
you are leader and you are going to be someone who bridges the gap between the generations
of women for His Kingdom.”
It was the confirmation I
needed because I had to know that what I felt while sitting on that church pew wasn’t
just my emotions that had gone haywire.
It was an assignment. My God
assignment.
Fast forward to this past fall. An opportunity presented itself that I couldn’t
turn down. It was ultimately my dream job.
I would be working with leaders and churches and helping grow and develop
missions groups. It was a position with
the
Woman’s Missionary Union of North Carolina (WMU), an organization that I
dearly loved and already had a deep passion for. It was full-time ministry work and work I felt
called to. But it also meant commuting to another city and changing our whole
family’s routine and schedule.
I could spend paragraphs telling you about the endless times
I spent in prayer over the decision to leave my job. I’m not sure I’ve ever prayed about something so
much in fact. Because it seems that if God had ordained all of this then that
should make it easy. Right? Not so much. My co-workers were like
family to me. I had this comfortable life of routine and familiarity. But
ultimately my desire to be obedient to God rang louder than my desire for all of those things.
And friends the
truth is, sometimes God calls you to lay down something good for something
greater.
And sometimes He asks us to do something that requires an immense amount of trust in Him. The decision to leave my job was difficult. I asked God repeatedly for peace that I was
making the right decision. He knew that my heart longed for answers, and though He didn't always give them, He did continually give me peace about my decision. I received confirmation after
confirmation. And yes, it was scary to
leave the comfort of friends and a position I knew well to go to something that
was brand new, but I knew that God wanted me to take this next step and so I followed through despite the fear.
God asks us to do really scary things sometimes. He asks us to get out of our comfy, secure
boats and follow Him. This was an invitation for me to touch my feet down on the
water and walk to Jesus just like
Peter did that night as the waters raged all
around him. It was an invitation to do the work He had called me to. To know
Him better. To serve Him better. To trust in His provision.
I’ve been at my new job with WMU for a few months now and I
can’t tell you in words how much I love it.
I feel much like I’ve been freed from the chains that held me back as I
hesitated to say yes to God on that church pew.
I feel alive. I feel unhindered. My faith has been strengthened and my trust in God is so much deeper.
The surrender to the call to ministry was really the easy
part. It was the follow through that was the real test. And now that I’m on the other side of the
decision…now that life is more settled and everyone is used to the things that
have changed, I’m just waiting. I’m
waiting for the next time, the next moment, the next opportunity that God will
give me to step out of the boat and run after Him even harder.
At some point friends, He’s going to ask us to get out of
our boat. He’s going to ask us to step
out onto those scary waters and trust in Him and trust in His plan. For you, it may not be a call into ministry work, maybe it's something entirely different. Whatever you feel like The Lord has laid on your heart to do in this season, in this moment of your life, is the boat you have to decide if you're going to get out of.
Are you willing to get out of the boat when He asks you to? Are you willing to let Him lead you to a
place where your trust has to be without borders?
It’s hard. It’s scary. It’s facing the unknown over and over again.
But it’s also freedom. And it’s the catalyst for a deeper
relationship with Jesus. He’s standing
there with you. His hand outstretched to
yours. His eyes locked on yours. He’s got you.
You can let go of the fear that He doesn’t.
Let Him lead you.
Let Him take you to a deeper place with Him.
“Take my deeper than
my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be
made stronger in the presence of my Savior.”
~Oceans, Hillsong
United
