Sometimes Your Husband Just Needs to Hear He's a Good Man

You’re a good man.

It was just a simple text on a Thursday afternoon.  I wasn’t trying to win him over after an argument nor was I trying to get anything out of him.  I wasn’t feeling especially mushy at the moment.  I hadn’t even had my usual second cup of coffee yet.  I just felt he needed to hear it.

You’re a good man.

 “Thanks.” He wrote back.  “You’re a good woman.”

And that was the end of our exchange.  No grand romantic gesture.  No rose petals or chocolate involved.  Just four little words.  Simple words.  Yet they can have a profound effect on our men.

 

Yes, sometimes your husband just needs to hear that he’s a good man.  Why? Because I can almost guarantee you that at some point throughout his day, failure comes across his mind.

He thinks he’s not doing well enough at his job.  He should be making more money.  He should be working more hours.  He should be higher up in the office than he is.  He thinks he’s failing at providing for his family.  He's a good man because he works hard everyday for our family.  He goes to work when he's sick.  I'm sure he does tasks he doesn't really want to do.  But he does it for us.  

He thinks he’s not a good enough father.  My husband often says “I just can’t do all the things you can do.”  Or he says “You’re better at so and so with them than I am.”   But he doesn’t recognize all the things he does so right with our girls.  He can teach them things that I will never be able to teach them.  They will go to him with problems that I can’t help them with.  It’s my job to help him see that while he will never be a perfect father (as I will never be a perfect mother), he is not even close to being a failure.  He's a good man because he's a wonderful father.  

He thinks he fails at being your husband.  Maybe he didn’t notice that you got your hair cut.  Or he forgot to get something on your shopping list.  Or he shaved his beard off in the bathroom sink just a mere hour after you cleaned it.  Oh my, that gets me every time.  Just maybe, it goes deeper.  Maybe he hurt your feelings, spoke words that stung your heart.  Perhaps you’ve been fighting about the same issues and it seems nothing is changing. 

I know this can be a very gray area in marriage.  But just for a moment, let’s step into our husbands shoes and imagine the weight and the pressure that is put on them every day to measure up.  I bet he feels like he never does anything right.  I bet sometimes he feels you don’t need him or his help, or worse, you don’t want him.  The thought may even cross his mind that you could do better than him. 

I would bet that these thoughts on one occasion have crossed your husband’s mind because they have crossed my husband’s mind too.

I am guilty of getting so busy with the kids and work and church that I often forget that we are in this marriage thing together.  I need to not only tell him I need him and I want his help, but I need to show him. 

I forget that as much as I feel pressure to be a good wife and mother, he has pressure on him to measure up as well.

Maybe it’s the little things he feels he’s failing at; remembering special dates or complimenting you on your hair that he thinks looks the same as when you left the house earlier.  It could be he feels like he’s failing at the bigger things within your marriage.  He’s trying his best, but his best doesn’t feel good enough. 

And sometimes, he needs to hear he’s a good man

 because he thinks he’s a failure in God’s eyes.

This is the one that makes me fall to my knees in prayer for my husband more than any of the others.  I married a sinner.  He married one too.  That’s a whole bunch of brokenness and imperfect coming together.

 I often need to be reminded that although he is my husband, He is God's son first. 

My husband needs encouragement from me to pursue God's calling on his life.  He needs to know that I am with him and more importantly I am for him.  When he has days where he feels like he's failed in God's eyes, I need to remind him of a greater love than the love we have between us.  The greater love of Jesus giving his life on the cross for us.  He is not a failure in God's eyes, he is loved by The One, the Creator, the Almighty.  

We so easily forget all that when the world is screaming at us that we're not good enough.  It's easy for our men to forget the one simple truth that they are loved by us and loved by God unconditionally.  As wives, me must be louder than the voices of the world that are telling our men that they're not good men.  

Ladies, if you have a good man, tell him!

He needs to hear that you’re in this with him.

He needs to hear that you don’t expect him to have it altogether all the time.

He needs a safe place to express his stress, his burdens.

You're a good man.

Four words that can have a profound impact on your man. Sometimes your husband just needs to hear that he's a good man because he is one.  A good man.  A great man.  A man loved by God.  A man loved by his wife.  

Will you encourage him with these words today?  Maybe you're already doing a good job of encouraging your husband, how has your relationship changed?  What are other ways we can encourage our husbands in their various roles (husband, father, son, employee, etc.)?