An Open Invitation to Release

I sit with my head cupped in my hands on the back row of the balcony overlooking the seats below.  My eyes scan the crowd of women with their hands lifted high in praise and hope.  Some of them are desperate to know you.  Some of them are struggling to hear your voice, to feel you.  But you are there with them. 

Some women lend their arms as encouragement as they physically pour themselves over the others.  These women know you well.  They have seen your glory.  They have seen your love drip down from the cross onto them and they know the importance of this moment.  They encourage the others to embrace your love.

This is the moment for many, when they will finally know you.  When they will acknowledge that all of them needs every bit of you.  And I’m supposed to have my head bowed and my eyes closed.  Because this moment, it’s so very intimate and personal. 

And yet I watch. I cannot tear my eyes away.

I watch them unhinge their chains.  I watch them cry out in release.  I watch them accept their new identity.  They are Yours. They are made new.

The speaker continues the invitation by inviting those of us who already know you to release the things that hold us back from wanting you more.  I try to hear your voice over the piano that’s playing softly, yet the sound magnifies on the strings of my heart.  She invites us again to let go.  To release.  To give the thing over that we hold so closely.  The thing we put above you.

I know what the thing is.  You know it well too.  Women all around me are releasing their chains to you, and yet I sit frozen.  I sit chained to my seat, chained to my sin.  Chained to my past.  Chained to the things I know keep me from chasing you harder.

I do not feel you and yet I know you are there.  I cannot hear you but I feel you press in on my heart.  I think I feel you telling me to wait.  That this isn’t the place you want to meet me at.  You want me to let the thing go, but it’s not the time. And so I don’t.  I cling to it tightly because I know that soon you will ask me to do the hard thing and let you have it. 

And so for these last few moments I hold onto it.  I hide it in my heart.  I know it is coming.  I know that soon you will call me to the scary waters, and it’s not a place I want to go willingly.

Later I am at home.  It is quiet.  It is peaceful.  There are no fancy stage lights and no decorations.  Just you. 

I check on the girls one last time before grabbing my bible and meeting with you on the couch.  At first I feel silly.  I don’t know where to start and I think I have heard you wrong.  I open up my bible to the psalms because that’s where I always go if I don’t know where to go.  The scripture I read doesn’t make sense to me at first.  It is all about David’s sin and confession and the pledge for you to take it away from him. 

He has slept with Bathsheba.  He has killed Uriah.  He is in a bad desperate place.  And I wonder what I’m supposed to do with this.  This isn’t right I think.  This was nothing like the moment at the conference earlier. 

But you keep at me.  You tell me that I’m missing it.  To dig deeper. 

And so I do.  I don’t know what I’m doing or what you’re trying to tell me but I know it’s something.  Something big.

I start talking to you out loud.  I hardly ever do this.  I try to be quiet because I don’t want to wake the girls up.  But the pain of the thing I can’t seem to escape and your quiet mercy has tears pouring down my face and me lifting up your name in praise. 

I know that it’s the time.  Here is where you wanted to meet me.  In the quiet.  In the dark place.  In the honest place.  No music.  No pressure.  No one else but you and me.

And you direct me to a scripture that absolutely blows my mind.  I have read it many times before but tonight I notice something different.  Something brand new.  I feel you there.  Revealing to me that it’s time to start trusting you more.  Time to start living the life you’ve called me to live. 

Suddenly I put two and two together.  You show me through your word that I cannot keep pushing past you and going before you.  You reveal to me that I need to let go of the thing in order for you to heal me and in return help heal others. 

I understand.  My breath can hardly catch up with the tears as I confess to you that I have no idea what I’m doing.  I want this thing, this chain taken from me, so I can move forward and do the scary kingdom stuff with you. 

I speak life to the thing you are showing me and I ask if I’m right.  Is this what you’re telling me?  Is this the healing that needs to happen first?  I don’t hear verbal confirmation.  I hear the silence and the distant buzzing of the baby monitor. 

But I am confident I have heard you correctly.  That now, after the acknowledgement comes the hard work, the healing work.  And you show me that this is how you do things.  You take ordinary people and reveal the hard places in our hearts, the things that keep us from you, that hold us back from a life unhindered in you and you make them beautiful. 

This is scary.  This is exciting.  I feel relief.  I feel like you’ve let me in on a secret.  But it’s not a secret. It is your love and how you reveal yourself to us time after time.  I immerse myself in what you have revealed to me.  I ask you to confirm it.  So I am sure.  I tell you that if this is not from you to close the door.  Don’t let me think about it anymore. 

But if it is from you, if this is really the answer to what I’ve been asking you for, I ask you to not let me shake it.  I tell you not to let up on me about it.  I hear no audible voice or strong confirmation.  I only feel your presence telling me that you will hold up your end.  You will let me know.  And for the first time in a long time, I feel absolute peace.  I feel complete trust in you. 

I close my bible and go to wash my tear-stained cheeks.  I take a deep breath.  Breathing in every last ounce of you in this moment.  God you are good.  You are so very good.  I want more of these of these honest, raw moments.  The invitation is open.  It is mine.  I am ready. 

1

The Biggest Lesson I’ve Learned in 7 Years of Marriage

I looked at the clock.  Seven o’clock on the dot.  It was time to start.  Our wedding director motioned for my bridal party to come and I stayed behind for just a few moments with my dad. 

It was time.           

                 

I had waited three and a half years for this moment.  This moment.  It would be the moment we looked back on in years to come as one of the most precious, sweetest moments of our lives.  Any second now and the doors would open, revealing us to one another for the first time as bride and groom. 

 

It was dream-like.  Not the wedding itself, though that was beautiful too. But the moments when we caught one another’s eyes and knew that from that evening on, we were different.  We were man and wife.  Joined together as one.  Now our own family unit. 

I remember a lot of tears during our ceremony.  Not from me (I had cried the hour leading up to the ceremony), but from Brian.  I had those beautiful sweet bride tears. You know, the ones that casually sneak down your check during a prayer.  But my guy?  Well, he was…feeling some things, we’ll say that.  During one of the prayers, I handed my tear stained handkerchief to him, the one my grandmother gave me to carry on our special day, and snuck it to him so no one would see him wiping his eyes. It was a moment I will never forget because it was just between the two of us.  Sweet.  Secret.  Loving.

That was seven years ago this week.  It seems like it was yesterday when I donned that white dress with lace and traces of pearls and he wore that silky black suit and cream vest.  We were mere youngins when we got married.  I was 22, he was 24.  We knew everything and nothing all at the same time.  

What we thought we knew when we got married and what we actually learned after being married were worlds apart.  Sacrifice looks a lot different to me now.  The tests and trials that love can endure look stronger to me now.  Who God is and what His plans are for marriage are more clear to me now than they were that day I walked down that aisle covered in red rose petals.

I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons in the seven years we’ve been married.  But there is one lesson that I come back to over and over again.  It’s helped me in times of trouble and brokenness.  It’s helped me to see my husband not only as the man I love, but as God’s son.  It is a lesson I want to pass on to my daughters in future years when they take on this holy covenant of marriage.

Remember who the real enemy is.

I know.  It's not some romantic idea is it?  But it's a cold hard truth I have needed to remember time and time again.  Remember who the real enemy is.  And friend, the real enemy is not your spouse.  It’s not your children.  It’s not the bills piled up on the counter.  It’s not even the person you see in the mirror every day, wishing things were different.  The real enemy is Satan and he’s simply waiting for his invitation to wreak havoc on your household.

You see, God loves marriage.  God loves sex and intimacy. He loves forgiveness and acceptance. He loves praise and support.  He created all those things!  (Genesis 2) But often times those are the hardest things to find in a marriage.  I find myself wondering why marriage in itself can be so difficult at times.  Why can’t it just be easy?  It’s because we try to connect two worlds together that were never supposed to equal to one another. 

God’s original design of marriage and the world’s view of marriage were never designed to be the same.  But often we try to make them the same.  And when we try to take something God designed and fit into a box marked with worldly standards, guess who shows up?  Satan.  The real enemy.

^“The thief approaches with malicious intent, looking to steal, slaughter, and destroy; I came to give life with joy and abundance.”

John 10:10 (THE VOICE)

When there is discourse in a household who serves the Lord?  Satan eats it up.

When there is resentment that builds and issues that go unresolved?  Satan revels in it.

When a wife withholds her love from her husband because he didn’t do something the way she asked him to?  Satan rejoices.

When a spouse uses pornography as a means for intimacy instead of their partner?  Satan just devours it. 

When husbands and wives undermine one another’s parenting and fights ensue in front of children?  Satan celebrates.

Oh how he loves it.  If he can make his way into your home, into the strongholds of your marriage, he can and will create a life of chaos, bitterness, and utter destruction. 

And if you don’t think you are on his radar, sweet friend, let me speak this truth to you today.   You absolutely are.  Satan will get you wherever he can get you.  Your finances.  Your sex life.  Your past.  Your children.  Your family relationships.  Your secret sin.  Your career.  Your unfulfilled dreams.  Your calling. 

There is no area off limits to him and if he sees a way in, he’ll surely take it. 

A godly marriage full of love, spiritual discernment and forgiveness, is a legitimate threat to the enemy. 

If you think I’m writing this from a place of expertise or some moral high horse, let me tell you, I’m not.  I’m writing from a place of experience.  A place of sadness.  A place of hope. A place of realization that we too had let Satan into our home and slowly but steadily, it was destroying us. 

We were blissfully unaware of the small attacks from him.  The attacks that seemed like nothing, but spiraled into everything.  And now, we’re fighting back.  Remember who your real enemy is. 

It is not your spouse.  Oh, it may look that way at times.  It may masquerade as money issues, parenting woes or intimacy struggles.  Please understand, these things are serious and often times we do need help in these areas from counselors, pastors and other professionals.  But in themselves, they are not the enemy.  It goes so much deeper than that.  It is the source in which they come from that we need to be made aware of.  We are in a battle and we must fight for our marriages.

{Let me also add here, I’m not saying if abuse is present in a marriage you should stay (or some other heavy issues I’ve not listed).  Not at all.  This post isn't about reasons to stay in a marriage or reasons not too.}

I recently watched a message from Lisa Bevere in which she stated her biggest regret in life was that she didn’t love her husband more fearlessly.  A lot of their marriage, though she loved him deeply, she had kept him at a safe distance from her heart.  Always afraid that being hurt and abandoned was just around the corner.  She said looking back she wished she would have been braver in loving him.  She would have encouraged him more, given more of herself emotionally to him, and not been so afraid to truly love him and be loved in return.  I don’t want to have the same regret.  Do you?

Listen, marriage is hard.  Some days it’s really hard.  Some days it’s desperately hard.  And some days you wonder how you ever lived a day without one another.  It’s beautiful.  It’s messy.  It forces us to confront the best and worst parts of ourselves. 

It is two sinners that have vowed to take on one another’s brokenness.  To take on sickness and financial stress. To take on past hurts and family trials.  To accept each other’s faults.  To celebrate each other’s victories, both big and small. 

It is entrusting the darkest parts of yourself to someone else.  It is believing every day that change can happen.  That God works in marriages because He believes in them so much.  I believe God designed marriage and gave it to us as one of the greatest means to glorify Him. 

Remember who the real enemy is, but also remember who The Victor is.  Satan sets out to destroy marriages while God works to redeem them.  Satan wants to divide where God brings together.  Satan enforces pride and bitterness.  God offers grace and forgiveness. 

When you’re on the brink of destruction and you think you can’t fight one more day.  That you can’t even look at your spouse without feeling hurt or bitterness or anger.  I want you to dig your heels in the sand as deep as you can and I want you to suit up and fight.  Fight the real enemy.  Fight for redemption.  Fight for forgiveness.  Fight for love to win.  

2

When All You Can Do is Pray

This is not the blog post I intended to write this week.

I’ve been working on a post about Hagar’s story in Genesis for a few weeks now and I spent time this week putting the final touches on it.  But as I tried to craft the final sentences, nothing was coming together like I needed it to.

The truth is, my heart is elsewhere.

Perhaps you have heard of the horrific wildfires spreading across the Western part of my beloved state of North Carolina.  The wildfires have now made their way into a place that is near and dear to my heart, Gatlinburg, TN. 

You see, my husband and I spent our first week as husband and wife walking those precious city streets.  It is a place full of culture, warmth, and love.  I feel it every time I visit.  Its beauty is prestige and unmatched for me.  

But things have taken a horrific turn.  People are losing their homes, losing everything they own.  It is simply heartbreaking to see.  I sat at my desk looking at image after image of this beloved city burning to the ground.  I thought about all the people having to leave their homes knowing it wouldn't be there when they returned.  I thought about the emergency personnel who are literally risking their lives to help.   With tears in my eyes I thought, what can I do Lord?  What can I do?

The only thing I knew to do was pray.  Pray, I thought.  Right now that is all I can do.

Sometimes all we can do is pray because there is simply not anything more we can do.  Sometimes the only thing we can do is put our knees on the floor, clinch our hands together and cling to God's promises through prayer.  We pray for whatever hurt is happening, whatever destruction.  Pray for whatever situation there seems to be no end to.  Pray for resolution.  Pray for peace.

When all you can do is pray, that is what you do friend.  You pray.

I know it sounds cliché, even silly to think that the words we pray during these desperate times and situations will do anything to help.  But let me tell you, they do.  I believe in the power of prayer.  With every fiber in me I believe in it.  I’ve seen its effects firsthand. 

There have been times when I’ve witnessed very dear friends walk through unbelievable hurt and pain and I wanted nothing more than to take it away from them.  I would have given anything to do so.  As time wore on, I had nothing left to offer them.  No more words of encouragement.  No positive outlook.  No silver lining. 

But I could pray.  And so, I did.  I prayed prayers I have never prayed before in my life.  Prayers of questioning.  Prayers of unbelief at times.  Prayers of hopelessness on their behalf.  But then came the prayers of power.  Prayers of understanding.  Prayers of trusting and believing. 

Sometimes all we can do is pray and we must believe in the power of that. 

I am a doer.  I am a take action kind of girl.  So let me be transparent here, this is hard for me.  Sitting still, not having a plan, not helping someone, is really hard for me to bear.  But sometimes God doesn’t need us to take action.  He needs us to rest in Him and trust in His promises. 

God is still on the throne.  He is still in control.  We may feel helpless but God is not helpless.  We may feel weary but God is not.  He is our stronghold.  We may feel desperate and broken but God is the sculptor, The One who puts us back together. 

There may be a situation in your life right now where you feel utterly helpless.  Powerless.  Unsure.  Fearful of what’s to come.  Everything seems out of your control and you don’t know what else to do.  Friend, you keep praying.  There is power in prayer.  There is power when we lift up one another in the name of Jesus.

 ^“Never stop praying”

1 Thessalonians 5:17

 (NLT)

There is certainly a time and a place to take action.  But there is also a time and a place for us to let God work and do only the things God can do. 

And so we pray.   And we keep praying.  In the mighty name of Jesus.  Amen.

Friends, will you join me in praying for the many things that I’m sure are heavy on our hearts? 

Pray for rain and relief for the wildfires.  Pray for the people who are losing everything precious to them.  Pray for our nation and the division that only seems to grow with each passing day.  Pray for peace.  So much peace. 

How can I pray for you?

0

To the One Running from God

I can’t get you off my mind.

I’ve tried for weeks to push this message out of my heart and file it under things to write on in the future.  I’ve put off writing these words for many reasons.  Fear of rejection.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear you won’t hear my heart and won’t understand where I’m coming from.  I wanted to leave this alone.  Truly I did.

But it doesn’t always work that way.  There are some words, some messages that won’t leave me alone and friend, this is one of them.  I can’t promise that these words won’t stir up something inside of you, I actually hope they do.  Maybe these words aren’t meant for you at all.  Maybe they are meant for someone you hold close to your heart.  A family member.  A beloved friend.  A co-worker.  

Friend, please hear me when I say, these words of mine come from love. Such a deep love for you.  There is no judgement.  No malice.  No ill intentions.  I need you to know that so when you move down the page of my heart on this screen, you know that my words come from me wanting you to know you are cherished.  Loved.  Worthy.  Magnificent.  So with that, I need to tell you something hard but something ever so important.

Stop running from God. 

I’m sure it feels like life is just a giant question mark sometimes.  You struggle to know who you are, where you’re going or what the next season holds for you.  Maybe you find yourself looking in the mirror at yourself and wondering when you changed.  

I know it’s an uphill battle.  Sometimes the pain is just too great and there are too many questions unanswered.  Perhaps you’ve asked some of these questions before:

If God is such a good God, then why did He let this happen?

If God really loves me, why didn’t He save me from this?

If God is real, then why is there so much suffering in the world?

If God…

If God…

If God…

Those are difficult, valid questions.  Questions I won’t pretend to know the answer to.  But I do know that God uses our trials and struggles to draw us closer to Him.  I know that if He brings us to it, He will more than bring us through it.  In this way, we learn our desperate need for Him, for a Savior.

Maybe it’s not questions that plague your mind.  Maybe it’s simply that sin feels better than repentance and change.  Satan is so good at making us a slave to our sins and the things of this world draw us in like moths to a flame.  They fulfill us, for a short time.  They feel good.  They give us what we want, what we desire.  Whatever it is- drinking, sex, partying, gossip, lying, greed.  But none of it compares to Jesus. 

 

Friend, I've been there. I've turned my heart away from Him before.  It was easier to go through the motions of life and pretend my sin didn’t exist.  To look for value and acceptance from others instead of letting Him blow my heart wide open with His truth.  It was easier to pretend that He was some distant God in the sky more than a personal Savior.  It was easier to push the pain down than to allow Him to do the work He needed to and heal me.

God is a fierce pursuer of our hearts and He doesn’t stop pursuing His children.  “For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.” Deuteronomy 4:24 (NIV).  I’m so glad He never stops pursuing us.  Aren’t you?

I need you to know this.  You are never too far gone for God to reach you.  To see you.  To work in your life.  To love you.  Never.  God’s love is never-ending, never ceasing.  You see it doesn't matter what you've done or where you've been. It matters that you return and that His arms are wide open ready to receive you.

What if, just for a brief moment, you stopped and sat still with Him.  You let your shoulders relax and your breath slow.  You focused your mind simply on Him, on His peace.  There is no agenda there, from you or from Him.  There is simply stillness.  I think in those still, quiet moments God would whisper to your heart, come home child.

I love you.

I miss you.

I cherish you.

Nothing you do will stop me from loving you.

Do you believe that?  Do you know how much He loves you?  How much you matter to Him?

You matter.  Your life matters.  And if it sounds like I’m being overly dramatic and too serious, I’m okay with that.  That’s how serious I take this.  Because I want you to know just that badly how much God wants you to stop running from Him.

It’s okay that you messed up.  It’s okay that you don’t have it all together.  Welcome to the club!  We’re all broken and in need of a Savior.  You think you’re too messed up for Him to use?  Look at the people in the Bible-Noah, Moses, David, Rahab, Mary Magdalene, and Paul just to name a few.  They messed up, but God used them in mighty ways.  Ways that brought Him glory; that fulfilled His promises and purposes.

If you need healing, who better to heal you than Jesus?

You need acceptance?  Who better to accept you than The One who was rejected by man.

You need love?  You’ll never find anyone who will love you more.  I guarantee it.

You want to know there’s something beyond the life you’re living?  That God has a plan for you?  You bet.  1,000% He does. (Jeremiah 29:11)

But you have to stop running friend.  You have to let go of the things that have held you captive and release them to God.  There is nothing too dirty, too painful or too burdensome that God can't handle or that you cannot be forgiven and redeemed from. 

What if today, you stopped running, stopped pursuing other things and gave yourself back to Him? 

You are never too far gone for God.  You can always come home.  Will you come?

Lord Jesus,

I don’t know why we run from you.  I don’t know why we think our ways are better than yours. Forgive us for turning away when what our hearts need most is You.  You give us this beautiful parable in Luke 15.  A story of the prodigal son returning home.  He thinks he will be met by his father with haste and anger, yet he is welcomed with open arms, a celebration of return.  You give us this beautiful example of your love for us in this story.  Thank you for your unending patience and grace with us.  Thank you for open arms and unending love.  You are the only thing that can truly fulfill us.  Draw us closer to you and help us to run fast to you.  Fast to your everlasting arms. 

In Your Name, Amen. 

0

Do You Even Hear Me God?

I have a certain spot on my couch where I like to sit with Jesus.  I snuggle myself into the corner spot of our sectional and I barricade myself in with about three or four throw pillows.  Let’s face it, five would be overkill.  I love this spot. It's super comfy and inviting and I feel like there’s plenty of space for me, Jesus, and all the junk I’m bringing to Him. It’s ours.  

 

One recent night, I went into my quiet time with a mission.  I needed to hear a word from Him.  Things were stirring inside of me that I couldn’t quite make sense of and I needed help sifting through it all. 

I decided to spend a few moments reading Breathing Eden because this book has just been wrecking me in all the good ways I need it to.  One of the reflection questions at the end of the chapter centered on the frustrations we have when we can’t hear God.  Oh my goodness do I struggle with this.  There have been so many times I have cried out in frustration and desperation to hear Him more. 

Back when I was brand new mama of two and I felt like I was hanging onto life by the skin of my teeth, I had one of those raw honest moments of frustration with God.

My two year old was screaming in the next room in a battle cry against bedtime with my husband and my newborn started to stir in her bassinet in the corner of our bedroom.  I was overwhelmed and exhausted and felt like I couldn't do anything right. I needed to feel God’s presence in that moment so badly. I laid down prostrate on the floor and buried my face in the carpet. 

God, I know you hear me.  Please speak to me. I need you to speak to my heart in this moment.

And nothing. 

God I know you’re there.  Speak please.

The silence mounted with every passing moment and I only grew more frustrated.

God I know you hear me.  I am not one of those people who doesn’t believe you are real.  I know you can speak to me. I know you feel the weight of my tears. I know you see how much I need you in this moment.  Why?  Why won’t you speak to me?

After some time passed with no word from Him, I got up and wiped my tear-stained cheeks with my old faded t-shirt.  I wondered, do you even hear me God?

Sometimes I get so envious of my brothers and sisters from back in Bible times. Some of them talked to God and had fellowship with Him. Heck, Adam and Eve got to talk with God every evening as they walked around the Garden of Eden.  And I often think, I want that closeness too.

Instead I am left lying on the floor feeling unheard or sitting in my cozy nook of the couch feeling unsettled. And I find myself shrugging it all off, the whispers of my heart speaking so loudly.  Do you even hear me God?

I’m wondering today how many of you are asking the same question.

Do you even hear me God?

You want answers.  You want to know why things are the way they are.  You want God to speak to your heart.  You want to understand him more, know his will.

Some of you may be looking for confirmation for something.  Some of you need to release some pain to Him, but don’t know how.  Some of you question if you even are His child.  

And what I've learned about God is that he's more than willing to handle our questions. So give it to Him.  Every bit of it.  He can take it.  He hears it all.  The praise. The frustration. The anger.  The uncertainly.  The prayers of unbelief. 

We are not alone in this.  Elijah experienced much of what you and I do when we struggle to hear God.

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.  Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.  When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.”

1 Kings 19:11-12 (NIV)

Elijah waited for the Lord to speak to him in a big way, but God chose to come to him in a gentle whisper.

A lot of times we expect God to speak to us in these mighty big ways, but sometimes God appears in subtle ways, in the little things and moments. God speaks to us in so many forms-through music, other people, through the beauty of His creation, through His grace and protection.

Our task, much like Elijah’s is to open our hearts and listen through the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives.  

If you find yourself really struggling to hear God, try asking yourself some of these questions to help guide your time with him:

Am I open and ready to hear God with my heart AND mind? Because sometimes our focus lies elsewhere, preventing us from hearing him.

Am I only being open to what I want to hear?  Am I expecting God to tell me something that I want to hear, therefore shutting out his real response to my heart?

Is my prayer life reflective of my relationship with God? Am I having time with him everyday? Am I reading His word? 

Is there an unconfessed sin in my life?  It can be hard to open up ourselves to God if we are holding on to past pain or sin. If you're not sure, ask God to reveal this to you.

If you have gone through these questions and still feel like you're struggling to hear God, know that you are not alone.  During the times when you find yourself wondering if God even hears you, go back to the things you know to be true of Him. 

God is a good God.  He will work all things together for a purpose and for good (Romans 8:28).  He has a plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11).  He will help you overcome whatever obstacle you are facing (John 16:33). 

As frustrating as it can be to have more questions than answers, there is one thing I do know is certain.  He is there with me.  While I can’t hear His voice, I can feel His presence.

I felt His presence that night when I fell to my knees and sobbed into my bedroom carpet.

 

I felt His presence the night I sat on my couch wondering why I felt so screwed up if I knew I was deeply loved by Him.

I feel it when my questions for Him far exceeded His answers for me.

I feel it on the days when I feel I am not enough.

On the days when it seems I can’t bear one more burden.

And I have learned that that must be enough.  God absolutely hears our prayers, our outcries of desperation and need for hope. He is there with me and he is there with you too.

Yes, God hears your prayers sweet friend. He may not always answer you, but absolutely He hears them.

To the woman who longs to cradle her belly in joy, wondering why you haven’t see those two pink lines yet, God sees you and He hears your desires.

To the stay at home mom who stands at her kitchen counter surrounded by screaming little ones and cheerios on the floor, who worries if she made the right decision in choosing to stay home-He hears your cries of uncertainty.

To the young girl who cries in her bed late at night because she doesn’t look like the other girls in her class, sweet girl He hears you.

To the mama who spends her nights worrying about her older children-where they are, what they’re doing, just praying they make good choices and decisions-He sees your weariness, He hears you too.

To the woman standing in front of her bathroom mirror, pointing out every imperfection she sees, wondering if He hears the longing in your heart to be loved, to be wanted. He hears you beautiful sister. 

To the woman sitting in her car, gripping her steering wheel because it’s the only thing she has control of at the moment-God sees your fears, your anxieties.  He hears you friend.

Keep seeking Him. Look for Him to speak to you in the less than obvious ways. He is there. He always will be friend. 

10

When God Says "Not Yet"

This dreaming thing can be hard sometimes can’t it?  It is both simple and complex all at the same time. There are so many unknowns.  We step out in faith, pursuing what we believe God has called us to do.  It’s scary.  It’s exciting.  It’s knee-knocking work.  Along the way we store up dreams in our heart and anxiously await the future. 

But what happens when you are ready to pursue those dreams and God whispers to your heart not yet.  Why would God place a dream on our hearts and then tell us it’s not the right time to pursue it? 

I think the answer lies somewhere between a combination of protection and preparation. 

For years I have felt very strongly that my calling involves writing and ministering to women.  It started off with tiny tugs at my heart.  Leading a small group at church and hearing messages about serving and growing.  Then those tiny tugs turned into more frequent pangs.

I received confirmation to start writing again. I started this blog.  And God revealed to me in so many ways the need for community among women.  I kept seeing this need for a safe place to take all the brokenness and messy stuff to each other.  I saw that women needed encouragement and support more than ever.  So my friend and I began a women’s ministry at our church.   I thought that was probably enough to satisfy what my heart was hearing from God. 

But God is so much bigger than just satisfied.

Those pangs on my heart begin to beat even louder as I discovered more about my calling and purpose.  To be honest, sometimes I still don’t know what this calling is going to look like in the long run, but I can tell you this.  I feel very strongly that writing is a large part of my calling.  I dream of writing books and having my words leap off a page and onto your heart.  I (hopefully) use my words to let you know that you are not alone.  That there is someone else out there that gets you.

I dream of writing Bible studies and speaking to groups of women.  I dream of making the Bible come to life for women.  And I do feel God has confirmed a lot of that for me.  But there is also something He has been speaking to my heart the last few years on all of these God-sized dreams I’ve stored up.

 Not yet.

Two hard words to hear for this dreamer.  Not yet.  It is not time for that dream.  Have you ever sensed God telling you that it’s not time for something?

Now you may think that’s a pretty Debbie Downer way to look at dreaming.  But I would like to encourage you that it’s actually a good thing and I’ll explain why. 

 

Why God Might Say Not Yet

He is preparing you. I can attest to this idea very much.  Spiritual maturation is an important piece of understanding and pursuing our calling.  I have certain responsibilities that have been handed to me in the last few years that if given to me five or so years ago, I would not have had the experience or maturity to fulfill them the way they needed to be.  It is preparation for a greater calling.

In the season of not yet, God is showing me that He is preparing me for what’s coming.  I need to be sound in His Word if I am to fight the enemy’s lies about my calling, lead women to understand Him more, and have a better understanding of who He is.  I need to figure out my strengths and weaknesses and work on improving certain skills. 

What does this preparation look like for you?   Maybe you need to let go of some things in your life so He can work.  Maybe you’re not in the Word as much as you would like to be.  Maybe you are walking through a hard season and He is trying to draw you closer to Him.  Maybe you are making some decisions in your life that are putting a distance between you and God and God wants you to confess those and return to Him. 

Something else needs your attention first.  A few years ago, I was asked to consider taking a new leadership position.  As I spent time in prayer over it I really felt that God was telling me it was not the right time to take this position on.  As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew that I needed to say no.  A few months later, my husband lost his job and we also found out we were expecting our second child.  When I think back to that decision now, I see God's protection in it. 


God’s protection is not always physical.  Sometimes it is protection of our hearts and minds.  He knows what makes our hearts overwhelmed.  He knows what distractions pull us further away from Him.    

God knew that a hard season was ahead, even though I didn't.  He knew I would need to carry a heavier load and that my family was going to need me more than ever.  That leadership position would have overwhelmed my schedule and more importantly, my heart.  

Sometimes God says not yet because He knows the season ahead and what we will need to face it.  

God knows what we can handle well and what we cannot.  Maybe there is a tough season ahead for you that you’re not even aware of yet.  But God knows.  And He knows exactly where you need to be planted to endure that season and come out stronger.  

Preparation & Protection.  I can't help but see this played out in David's story.  

There were many times when God told David not yet.  As a young boy He was told by Samuel that He would be King.  God had anointed and appointed him.  But did he go straight to the throne?  No way.  God prepared and protected David by calling him into hard seasons and showing him that He was with Him on the darkest days.    

David had to keep shepherding the flock (1 Samuel 16).  He continued to go back to work, hard labor work mind you, and work on his skills.

Then he faced Goliath.  Well hello, Mr. Giant, didn’t think you were part of the plan. (1 Samuel 17)  Sometimes you must first face your own Goliath to get to a higher place of faith and trust in God.

Then we see that David was on the run for many years. (1 Samuel 21)   He was chased and targeted by his father-in-law of all people, for years.  He had to flee for his life.  What a dark season for David.  That definitely wasn’t in the job description for becoming King.  Oh but it was.  It was in the fine print. 

God’s protection, God’s preparation for David.  Do you see this journey?  Then after all of that, David becomes King.

 “So there at Hebron, David made a covenant before the Lord with all the elders of Israel. And they anointed him king of Israel, just as the Lord had promised through Samuel.”

1 Chronicles 11:3 (NLT)

But David had to walk through some really hard, really difficult faith stuff before the promise of being King was fulfilled. 

So what do you do in the season of not yet? 

Continue to pray.  Read your Bible and immerse yourself in the Word.  Ask God to confirm things for you.  Pray that He will put people in your life in the exact moments and seasons you need to help you grow in your faith.  Hone your strengths, work on your weaknesses.  Because trust me, your calling will bring both to the surface and you will need to be prepared. 

I know that God is placing certain people in my life during this season of not yet to help me work on my craft and calling and they are also inspiring me to dream bigger.  Look at the people in your life right now.  Do you have someone who is pushing you in this season to keep trying and keep dreaming?  

The timing of when we get there and how we get there is different for each of us.  How God equips us is different.  But it all works together for His Kingdom, His glory. 

So maybe you’ve been hearing God whisper to your heart “not yet.”  It can be a hard pill to swallow. But not yet doesn’t necessarily mean no.  And it doesn't mean to stop dreaming.  God is for dreamers, I know this.  We must keep being faithful, keep pursuing our dreams and keep trusting that He is preparing the place and time when He will speak to our hearts now is the time.

Now is the time, sweet child.

-Have you ever experienced God saying to you, “not yet”?

-How have you seen God’s protection over situations in your life?

-Is there something you feel God is using this time to prepare you for?

Still struggling with the season of not yet?  These are some resources that have helped me in the waiting (preparation) period.  I hope they continue to encourage you!

Motherhood or Ministry-Can I Have Both? By Brandi Rennemeyer

2 TIPS TO STOP “PACKING MY BAGS WHEN I NEED TO STAY, by Renee Fisher”

One Calling, Multiple Expressions-by Annie Downs


When Your Dream Feels Unanchored by Elise Daly Parker

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