When Motherhood is Lonely

I sat on the edge of my bed with tears burning my cheeks. I looked over at my sweet baby girl who was sleeping so peacefully.  I could hear my oldest throwing yet another bed time tantrum with my husband in her room.  I think we were on round 20.  I lost count to be honest.  I was frustrated.  Exhausted.  And I wanted nothing more than to curl up in my own bed and just forget having to parent for the night.  In one last ditch effort, my oldest gave her best I AM NOT going to bed speech-just loud enough to wake the baby.  Please no…..

Now I had two screaming girls on my hands.  I felt defeated and worn.  It was just one more struggle from the day to be had.  I needed a moment to breathe and reset.  I couldn’t shake the feeling looming over me.   

What am I not doing right?  Am I the only one who deals with this?  I’m sure other mothers have this down.  You know those thoughts.  The ones where you continually beat yourself up over little things that seem so big in the moment.

I don’t think I read about this in any of those baby books I poured over before having my girls.  I think I would have remembered it if I did.  Because those feelings that creep up every now and then can take you to a dark place.  A place where you feel absolutely powerless and alone.  If there is one thing I’ve learned over the years it’s that

Sometimes motherhood can be very lonely.

I’m not talking about skipping out on your play date or missing girl’s night out with your friends.  I’m talking about emotional loneliness.  The hard days.  The days where you feel spent.  Worn.  Overwhelmed.  Even overcome.

For the days when you feel like your child is the only one acting like an alien invaded their body and took over.   Like you’re the only mama who feels like she wants to throw in the towel and give up.  The days when you think that someone else could do a better job at raising your kids than you can. 

I’m talking about the days when your prayers are whispered through tears of frustration, failure and even insecurity. 

Have you ever felt this way?

I had a similar reoccurring feeling right after my second daughter was born.  Most nights ended in tears for me for one reason or another.  Here I had these two beautiful girls, one of which was brand new to the world, still so precious, so angelic, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of loneliness.  Sure, some of it could have been normal post-partum emotions, but I found myself really struggling with the feeling that I was all alone in the way I felt. 

I felt like I should have it all together.  Other moms seemed to.  I had a baby before, I should be used to this, right?  Oh friend, when I didn’t measure up to that perfect mom standard, I felt like a big fat failure.  I figured every mama around me was doing it right and doing it better than I was.  

Maybe today you find yourself in a similar place.  I wish we could meet for coffee so that I could take your hand over the table, look you straight in the eyes and reassure you with these four words

You are not alone.

I cannot tell you how it warms my soul to sit across from another mama, pour out my parenting frustrations and woes and have her smile and say girl, me too.  So today I want to do that for you.  If you find yourself feeling alone in your current season of mamahood, let me encourage you today that you are not alone.

You know, I think motherhood can feel lonely because we often make it that way.  We’re terrified that if we voice our fears, our concerns, or worse, our mothering fails to each other that judgement will soon follow. 

Because unfortunately, it usually does.  It’s an awful feeling to feel desperate for acceptance, desperate to hear those sweet words, me too, come from another mother. But instead, you’re met with harsh words or judgmental eye rolls.   Mama’s, we’ve got to do better.

We’ve got to stop trying to outdo one another and start cheering each other on more.  It shouldn’t be a battle to see who brings the best Valentine’s Day cards to our child’s class.  Um, did you know you’re supposed to attach candy to the Valentine’s too?  #didn’t get that memo last year.

Mama’s, we’re fighting a bigger battle.

You know those hard days I talked about earlier?  Those are the days the enemy will attack the hardest.  Maybe you’ve heard his whispers before too. 

Why are you even trying? 

You’ll never measure up. 

Look at the way your child is behaving. That’s all your fault.

You think you can do better?  You’ll just repeat the past.

It can be hard to recognize those whispers at first.  We believe they are coming from our own thoughts and feelings.  But that’s exactly how he gets you where he wants you.  If he can isolate you from others, then he can eventually isolate you from God.  If he can convince you that you’re all alone then eventually you’ll believe it.  And if you can believe that, then maybe, just maybe, he can convince you that God doesn’t care about you or your mama struggles. 

You are not alone. 

I just want to keep saying it.  And I could write an entirely different post on how God cares for mothers.  Mamas, He is for us.  He is with us.  We are never alone.  There is light to be found in the darkness of loneliness.

I don’t know what your current season looks like.  Maybe you’re a single parent and you’re having to fulfill both roles of mom and dad for your child.  Can I just tell you something?  I don’t if anyone has told you this lately, but you are amazing.  Like seriously, your strength amazes me.

Maybe you’re in a season with a difficult child or having little ones nip at your heels everywhere you go.  It can be a hard season with very little time to yourself.  I get it.    

Or maybe your children are grown now and you’re finding yourself with more time on your hands.  Maybe you often think about how fast time has gone and now that they’re grown, what new role you’ll play in their life. 

Whatever season you’re in, I want you to hear me when I say again…you are not alone.  It takes bravery to admit that motherhood can be lonely sometimes.  It’s not easy to reach out to others and admit where we’re failing and where we need help.  But can you imagine what that does for the Kingdom?  When women decide to lift each other up, share in our struggles and send the enemy away with our prayers for one another? 

Oh I can tell you, it’s beautiful.  It’s real.  It’s honest.  It’s gutsy.  And I want more of it. 

How about you?

Have you ever felt lonely as a mama?

What lies is the enemy trying to whisper to you today?

Have you ever experienced the bond of women saying me too in their struggles?