For most of my life I’ve played it pretty safe. I’m usually the girl on the sidelines
watching others make brave, bold moves.
You see, I’m not a natural risk-taker.
I’m a risk-weigher, if there
is such a thing. In every situation I
weigh the risks and possible outcomes for each decision. Sounds exciting right? Yeah,
not so much.
I’ve watched friends journey to the other side of the world as
missionaries to share Jesus with those who don’t know Him. I’ve watched women be unafraid to pursue
their God-given callings. I’ve seen
friends write books and launch new ministries and love on people that others
pass by on a daily basis. Through all of it I find myself wishing I could be as
brave as they are.
Seeing all of this inspires a bravery I desire, but I’m not
sure I have in me. But I desperately want it. I
want to bravely love Him. I want to say
yes when He calls me to the scary waters.
I want to radiate freedom because that’s what He’s given me through His
Son. I want to walk in His Truth so the
enemy has no claim over me, because he has already been defeated. I long to be
brave and risk it all for God like others seem to do, but something about full
surrender to Him just makes it all too scary.
Over the last year I’ve been pursuing a deeper heart
change. The more I get closer to God,
the more I realize that I’ve been playing it safe for too long. Safe with opportunities. Safe with relationships and really loving
others. Safe with Him.
Frankly, I want to stop playing it so safe. I want to push the boundaries and feel my
knees knocking in the way they do when you know something is scary but also
worthwhile. I want to stop being so
afraid that I will take a misstep, because I know, like we all do, that
sometimes missteps are necessary to get to the more honest place with Him and
the bigger calling inside of us.
I’ve had to step back and ask myself a really hard question.
Do
I really want God? I know that I
need God. It’s not a question of
need. It’s a question of want and
desire.
Do I really want God? Do I want Him enough to be called out of my
comfort zone? To go outside of the church walls and love on broken people?
Am I willing to give
up things for Him? Things that make me
happy, things that make my life easier?
Am I willing to
surrender fully to Him? To His
will? To His calling on my life? To release the people that I hold the closet
to my heart?
Do I really want God
enough to follow Him into places I would not normally go?
Am I living a life that wants God? Do I want Him over comfort? Over the approval
of others? Over material things and
worldly success?
The honest answer to
that is no. I’m not so sure I’ve
been wanting Him badly enough to feel uncomfortable. I don’t think I’ve been desiring Him enough
to strap on my boots and really do scary Kingdom work for Him. To love people that are different than
me. To trust Him in a fearless way. I think I’ve been living a very comfortable
Christian life. I obey God as much as I
want to, but I don’t ever fully surrender myself to Him.
I recently immersed myself in Acts 28:30-31.
“For two whole years Paul stayed
there in his own rented house and welcomed all who came to see him. He proclaimed the kingdom
of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ—with all boldness and
without hindrance!”
Those last few words about Paul have not left me since I
read them. With all boldness and without hindrance. Paul taught about Jesus with boldness and
proclamation. He didn’t care what others
thought about him. He didn’t care about his comfort or likeability. He cared most about God. I could take a note or two from this.
Really what I admire most about Paul is his brazenness for
the Gospel. He didn’t hold back when it
came to church conduct or how we should treat one another as believers. And he most certainly never held back from proclaiming
what Jesus had done for him once his life had been changed by Him.
Moment of truth? I
know what it is that holds me back from being more like Paul. The truth is I’m more afraid of how God will
use me if I’m truly set free than if I were too stay comfortable.
I say I want this unhindered life, but I don’t really want
to work for it. I don’t really want to
walk it out in faith. Because what if living
a life unhindered and desiring Him above anything else meant giving up a job I
love, or relationships, leaving church roles, or moving?
What if all that seems scary because the life God calls us
to live as His children is one of complete and utter trust and surrender to
Him, and that is something that deep
down, we lack. We doubt if God will really come through on His end so we
hold tight to the things we need most to let go of. Relationships. Dreams. Jobs. Our marriages
and children.
And we tell ourselves that we’re just being protective. We
want God to use us, but not enough to feel uncomfortable or sad or scared. We want Him to use us just enough to feel like
we’re doing our part, but we don’t ever let Him really do His.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live with a Plan
B. I want to know that at the end of my
days, I’ve given Him everything I could possibly give Him. I want to know I ran the race with every
ounce of courage and determination that I could. (Hebrews 12:1)
And yes, that will mean giving up things for Him and surrendering it all and yes,
that scares me.
But I don’t want to
do it safe. I don’t want to hinder
myself when it comes to God.
And I get the feeling that deep down, you don’t want to do
it safe either. So why don’t we both
just go for it? You jump, I jump. If we fall, we fall. But we won’t fail. The only way we fail is to keep playing it
safe, keep daydreaming of a life unhindered but never getting up our nerve to
say “Yes
God, use me.”
God gives us free will to choose and ultimately the choice
is ours friend. Do we want safe? Do we
want comfortable? Or do we want God?
I confess, I used to judge the rich young ruler in Matthew 19. I used to read his story and get so
frustrated with him. I would sit there and think my gosh man, Jesus is right in
front of you! How could you not
follow Him? Why couldn’t you just leave
it all behind? Don’t you see the personal
invitation you’re getting?
I used to judge him until one day I realized that I was just
like him. Afraid to give it all up and terrified
to have to be uncomfortable for Jesus. Scared that He’ll ask me to do something
that defies all logic. Fearful of what
others may think. Hesitant to think of what a life lived fully for Him really
looks like.
Because it doesn’t look like comfortability friends. It doesn’t look like logic or approval from
others. It means we don’t always know what’s next. We don’t have the control we often crave. It
looks like a life of being unsettled in all the very best ways because when He
moves, He moves in mighty ways.
Jesus extended a personal invitation to the young
ruler. His command was simple. In verse
21 He says,
“If
you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then
come, follow me.”
“Come, follow me.” I
have the same personal invitation as the rich young ruler. You do too friend.
He can’t change his decision now but we can change
ours. We can say yes to the invitation of
following Him, no matter the cost and change our course for eternity. The rich
young ruler played it safe. He didn’t
want to give up his wealth (vs.22) or his comfort. He didn’t want to give up the life he was
living. And man, did he miss out.
I don’t want us to miss the same invitation friends. Let’s stop playing it so safe and let’s start
being brave enough to let Him have every last ounce of us. Let’s get off the sidelines of our faith and
want God more than we ever have before.
What do you say?
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