Do You Even Hear Me God?

I have a certain spot on my couch where I like to sit with Jesus.  I snuggle myself into the corner spot of our sectional and I barricade myself in with about three or four throw pillows.  Let’s face it, five would be overkill.  I love this spot. It's super comfy and inviting and I feel like there’s plenty of space for me, Jesus, and all the junk I’m bringing to Him. It’s ours.  

 

One recent night, I went into my quiet time with a mission.  I needed to hear a word from Him.  Things were stirring inside of me that I couldn’t quite make sense of and I needed help sifting through it all. 

I decided to spend a few moments reading Breathing Eden because this book has just been wrecking me in all the good ways I need it to.  One of the reflection questions at the end of the chapter centered on the frustrations we have when we can’t hear God.  Oh my goodness do I struggle with this.  There have been so many times I have cried out in frustration and desperation to hear Him more. 

Back when I was brand new mama of two and I felt like I was hanging onto life by the skin of my teeth, I had one of those raw honest moments of frustration with God.

My two year old was screaming in the next room in a battle cry against bedtime with my husband and my newborn started to stir in her bassinet in the corner of our bedroom.  I was overwhelmed and exhausted and felt like I couldn't do anything right. I needed to feel God’s presence in that moment so badly. I laid down prostrate on the floor and buried my face in the carpet. 

God, I know you hear me.  Please speak to me. I need you to speak to my heart in this moment.

And nothing. 

God I know you’re there.  Speak please.

The silence mounted with every passing moment and I only grew more frustrated.

God I know you hear me.  I am not one of those people who doesn’t believe you are real.  I know you can speak to me. I know you feel the weight of my tears. I know you see how much I need you in this moment.  Why?  Why won’t you speak to me?

After some time passed with no word from Him, I got up and wiped my tear-stained cheeks with my old faded t-shirt.  I wondered, do you even hear me God?

Sometimes I get so envious of my brothers and sisters from back in Bible times. Some of them talked to God and had fellowship with Him. Heck, Adam and Eve got to talk with God every evening as they walked around the Garden of Eden.  And I often think, I want that closeness too.

Instead I am left lying on the floor feeling unheard or sitting in my cozy nook of the couch feeling unsettled. And I find myself shrugging it all off, the whispers of my heart speaking so loudly.  Do you even hear me God?

I’m wondering today how many of you are asking the same question.

Do you even hear me God?

You want answers.  You want to know why things are the way they are.  You want God to speak to your heart.  You want to understand him more, know his will.

Some of you may be looking for confirmation for something.  Some of you need to release some pain to Him, but don’t know how.  Some of you question if you even are His child.  

And what I've learned about God is that he's more than willing to handle our questions. So give it to Him.  Every bit of it.  He can take it.  He hears it all.  The praise. The frustration. The anger.  The uncertainly.  The prayers of unbelief. 

We are not alone in this.  Elijah experienced much of what you and I do when we struggle to hear God.

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.  Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.  When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.”

1 Kings 19:11-12 (NIV)

Elijah waited for the Lord to speak to him in a big way, but God chose to come to him in a gentle whisper.

A lot of times we expect God to speak to us in these mighty big ways, but sometimes God appears in subtle ways, in the little things and moments. God speaks to us in so many forms-through music, other people, through the beauty of His creation, through His grace and protection.

Our task, much like Elijah’s is to open our hearts and listen through the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives.  

If you find yourself really struggling to hear God, try asking yourself some of these questions to help guide your time with him:

Am I open and ready to hear God with my heart AND mind? Because sometimes our focus lies elsewhere, preventing us from hearing him.

Am I only being open to what I want to hear?  Am I expecting God to tell me something that I want to hear, therefore shutting out his real response to my heart?

Is my prayer life reflective of my relationship with God? Am I having time with him everyday? Am I reading His word? 

Is there an unconfessed sin in my life?  It can be hard to open up ourselves to God if we are holding on to past pain or sin. If you're not sure, ask God to reveal this to you.

If you have gone through these questions and still feel like you're struggling to hear God, know that you are not alone.  During the times when you find yourself wondering if God even hears you, go back to the things you know to be true of Him. 

God is a good God.  He will work all things together for a purpose and for good (Romans 8:28).  He has a plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11).  He will help you overcome whatever obstacle you are facing (John 16:33). 

As frustrating as it can be to have more questions than answers, there is one thing I do know is certain.  He is there with me.  While I can’t hear His voice, I can feel His presence.

I felt His presence that night when I fell to my knees and sobbed into my bedroom carpet.

 

I felt His presence the night I sat on my couch wondering why I felt so screwed up if I knew I was deeply loved by Him.

I feel it when my questions for Him far exceeded His answers for me.

I feel it on the days when I feel I am not enough.

On the days when it seems I can’t bear one more burden.

And I have learned that that must be enough.  God absolutely hears our prayers, our outcries of desperation and need for hope. He is there with me and he is there with you too.

Yes, God hears your prayers sweet friend. He may not always answer you, but absolutely He hears them.

To the woman who longs to cradle her belly in joy, wondering why you haven’t see those two pink lines yet, God sees you and He hears your desires.

To the stay at home mom who stands at her kitchen counter surrounded by screaming little ones and cheerios on the floor, who worries if she made the right decision in choosing to stay home-He hears your cries of uncertainty.

To the young girl who cries in her bed late at night because she doesn’t look like the other girls in her class, sweet girl He hears you.

To the mama who spends her nights worrying about her older children-where they are, what they’re doing, just praying they make good choices and decisions-He sees your weariness, He hears you too.

To the woman standing in front of her bathroom mirror, pointing out every imperfection she sees, wondering if He hears the longing in your heart to be loved, to be wanted. He hears you beautiful sister. 

To the woman sitting in her car, gripping her steering wheel because it’s the only thing she has control of at the moment-God sees your fears, your anxieties.  He hears you friend.

Keep seeking Him. Look for Him to speak to you in the less than obvious ways. He is there. He always will be friend.