Releasing Control & Learning to Let Go

September 28, 2012

I have a confession to make today.  My name is Amanda and I have a problem with
control. 

It feels good to get off my chest.  I know that this is an issue that many of us struggle with when it comes to our faith.  For months, I’ve wanted to share with you my journey to learning to finally start letting go of my control issues and fully trusting in the Lord.  But until now, I hadn’t found the right words.

You might remember a past devotional I wrote called The Stop Sign.  The majority of the post was about the struggle I have always had about my body, but in that post I also wrote about how I strongly felt God speak to me and say “I am in control.”  Friends, I want to now share more about that powerful dream that still gives me goose bumps when I think about it.

When my husband Brian and I felt like it was time to start our family last year, we assumed we would have no trouble getting pregnant.   We had prayed for God to let us know when the right time to start our family would be and now we just needed to hand it over to Him to bless us with that. 

It always seems easy to keep the mindset that everything “is in God’s timing,” to begin with because it’s new.  But after months and months had gone by with no luck, I found myself questioning.  Why didn’t God want to bless us with a baby?  Were we doing something that wasn’t pleasing to Him?  Did He think we weren't ready?

Have you ever found yourself here? 

When things are going our way {smoothly} we find it easy to trust God.  It’s when things get difficult that we begin to question.  And boy did I ever question. 

On the outside I trusted God.  I prayed multiple times a day that in His timing I knew He would give us a baby, in whatever way that would be.  Meanwhile I rushed home twice a day to test my ovulation patterns, tracked my body temperatures, changed my diet, tried to “de-stress” my life, and concentrated on not getting consumed with all things baby.  Brian and I even started having conversations about what we would do if we couldn’t get pregnant naturally.  Would we adopt?  Would we try other methods?  I wasn’t trusting in God at all. 

 I was in control of the situation. 

In my mind, God was taking too long to answer our prayers, so I was taking it upon myself to change the situation and the outcome.
  
Let me also confess that I have a problem with patience.  Usually when I make up my mind to do something, I want it to happen now.  It goes back to my control issue!  ;)
And this drove me crazy because I couldn’t control it!  I couldn’t control my body, or Brian’s body, and I couldn’t control God’s timing.   

Do you identify with a situation in your life friends? 

That cool morning in March I woke up with the strongest feeling I have ever felt in my life.  God spoke powerfully to me. 
I am in control. 

It was so clear.  So simple.  Why had I struggled with this?  If I knew that God would provide us with a baby in some way, some day, and in His timing, why was I fighting the control?  I knew that He knew best.  He could see the bigger picture of things when I could not.  He already knew when He would provide us this blessing.  He knew when their birthday would be, how much they would weigh when they were born, if it would be a boy or a girl, and what their name would be.  He already knew everything about them, and here I was questioning Him because I wanted to be in control.

After that strong statement I knew I had to relinquish my control to God.  Along with praying for a child, I now prayed that God would help me trust in His timing and let me let go of my need for control over the situation. 

Do you find yourself here today friends?  Is there something that you are trying to control in your life?  Something you don’t understand God’s reasoning for?

The day before Mother’s day I found out we were expecting our first child.  Before I tested, I laid in bed praying that God would prepare my heart for the negative result that I was so sure would be there.  I had played this emotional roulette with myself for so long, I had expected it.  We had even had a false positive at one point where I thought I was pregnant, but wasn't.  But I knew God was in control and not me.

Instead, two of the most beautiful pink lines were there.  Brian and I were so shocked and surprised that it had finally happened we didn’t know what to do.  So we just hugged, cried, and jumped up and down! 

I share this story with you not because I feel our journey to becoming parents is any more difficult than anyone else’s.  Through our journey and struggles I have been able to meet and share with other women who have had difficultly and have struggled longer than we did.  Their stories are amazing examples of faith and strength. 

I share this with you because of what God taught me throughout our struggle.  He’s still working with me on the whole control thing, because let’s face it; Rome wasn’t built in a day!  But He's showed me unfailing love and He TOLD me I needed to release my need for control to Him. 

Please friends, if there is something you are struggling to control, pray that God will help you release it. 

I know that God blessed us with our baby girl in His timing, not ours.  So when we finally get to meet her in January, we’ll find comfort in knowing that God already knows her and already has His plan laid out for her life.  The timing of us getting pregnant with her matches up perfectly to the plan He has laid out for her life.  Now, we have the greatest adventure ahead of us because He loves us so much.  He didn't want to see us hurt or question Him, He wants us to fully trust in Him and His plan.

Photo Credit: Pinterest
 

What examples do you have where you relinquished control to God?   I would love to read your stories. 

Blessings Friends,
Amanda

3 comments :

  1. You are going to be a great mom! Thanks for sharing!

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  2. Wow Amanda what a great testimony. While I was reading this I was seeing myself. I have the biggest control problem. I know I do and I need to let it go. It gives me great relief to know that it's not only me.

    I was raised in Catholic family and my mother was a single parent for long time and I really was never taught that there was a God that existed that you can have a relationship with, I was taught there is a God. So for the longest time, I was in control until I found God, I really found him I realized that God is real and I can actually talk to him.

    I had 3 kids before I got married. After my 3rd child I finally married my husband. My life was not easy. At 22 and with 3 kids and my husband well really not being one, it was really hard. I did not have a relationship with God yet. My sister-in-laws, i know and understand now that it was God's timing. They had prayed for family and children and still praying for my husband.

    I got saved 5 years ago and so did my children. My oldest son was baptized earlier this year. Still waiting for my husband, but in God's timing.

    My husband has a good heart and always has but had a problem with alcohol. There was not one single weekend that I can remember where he would stay home with the family. He was always out with his friends. So I would I always do my own thing. Until one day I just had a strong urge a feeling of wanting more. I would go to church (Catholic) and I did not find it. It was not until a friend of my sister's from California came to visit and he told me you are thirsting and hungry. I thought to myself, I just ate and I"m not thirsty. Well it was the spiritual thirst and hunger. It was so awesome.

    So I drank and ate from his word but I still felt like I needed to be in control of my husband's drinking. having control of going out to look for him, early in the morning, just drive around town until I found him. I did this for about 4 years until one day God said, "I'm in control." I had such a struggle even after hearing that, that I still went out. One day my Pastor, preached a sermon and gave an altar call and which said, "if you have a person, problem or something you just want to leave there, just leave it but do not pick up back up." I went up and gave it to God and it was just a wonderful feeling, I felt free.

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    Replies
    1. Rosa, what an amazing story. Thank you for sharing that with me. Control is definitely something I struggle with. I am so glad you gave that over to God. It is a freeing feeling isn't it? Thank you so much for your story. Sometimes I think it helps just to know that we all tend to struggle with the same things. Blessings to you friend!

      Amanda

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