A Letter to My Strong-Willed Child

My child,

I watch as you close your eyes and your breaths get heavy.  After reading what seems like a thousand books, you’ve finally drifted off to sleep.  I just want to soak in these last few moments of the day with you.  The dishes can wait.  Everything can wait.  I just want to watch you.  You breathe in and out. 

In and out. 

In and out.

I find myself wondering what your last thoughts are before you drift off to sleep.  I imagine them to be filled with memories of your day.  If you were to ask me what my last thoughts usually are, they often go like this...

We made it.  We survived another day together!

I often think this because our days consist of a lot of battles.  I feel like you fight me on everything.  What to wear, what to eat, what to read, where to go.  Some of it is just a phase, but a lot of it is just who you are. You get frustrated with me, and me with you.  

Too often I am left feeling like a failure as your mother.  I always think about what I can do differently.   I always feel like I can do better.  I’m sure at times you feel like I don’t get you.  That I couldn’t possibly understand.  It must seem at times that we are worlds apart.  Well my precious child, I want to tell you a few things I do know about you. 

My fighter.  My one that defied the odds.  My love.  

My strong-willed child.

.

I know within every fiber of my body that God has such a purpose for your life.  He designed you in the most intricate of ways; ways I may not be able to even appreciate yet. Sweet child, your design is unlike any other.  God gave you the qualities of a strong-willed child and though it takes me to my knees in prayer more often than I would have ever thought, I can't imagine you being any other way.

Sometimes I confess to God that I don’t know what to do with you. I feel at a loss.  I need a daily reminder from Him that I was picked to be your mama.  We were picked for each other.   Give me guidance, Lord.  Turn my heart to a better understanding, I pray. 

And then there are times when words escape me.  The only thing I can muster out to God is simply thank you.  I don’t deserve the blessing He has given me in you.   I’m only reminded that my love for you is but an inkling of the love that our Heavenly Father had for His son and has for us.   

  

As your mother I can’t even begin to fathom the ways He will use you as His daughter. I love to think about what you will be when you grow up, what your passions will be, what God will impress on your heart as your calling.  The simple truth is that

You were His before you were mine.

You serve a purpose my love and I promise to never let you forget that.


So often I forget how we started.  You came into this world a fighter.  From your very first breath I could tell that you were unlike anything I was prepared for.  You were the one who would change me.  The one who wouldn’t need me to fight for her, but wanted me on the front lines standing beside her anyway. 

My strong-willed child. 

We have to figure this all out together.  I think you should know up front that I don’t have all the answers.  You can probably guess that based off some of our battles.  I’m still learning you.  I’m still trying to figure you out, understand you more.

But you don’t need me to try and understand you all the time, just to love you through it all.

You just need me to love you.  To let you be.  To let you discover the world around you.  To pray for you and with you.

Yes, you are strong-willed.  But you know what?  I’m so glad you are. 

You may fight hard but you love even harder.  You don’t give in and I pray that one day, when you are ready, you love that hard in your faith.  I pray you fight with everything in you to withstand the enemy and do God’s work.  As you so often stand up to me, one day I pray you will stand up for His Kingdom, for His glory.  

We both need grace.  We both need guidance.  We both need to be reminded that we were handpicked for each other.

As I get up to leave your room, I still one more kiss from your forehead.  Tomorrow we will do better. 

Tomorrow is the day that I will say we didn’t just survive the day, we conquered it.